The long hiatus

I've been gone a while, as you obviously have noticed (ah, fan mail...). Let me explain:

I've been busy starting up my new band. Here's my album cover:


We've been rehearsing nonstop (you know I'm a perfectionist) and I have to stop every so often to teach my new bandmate a trick or two.



And, it's just been too damn hot. Yep. I said it. HOT. So I've been trying to find ways of beating the heat. I highly recommend stripping down to your diaper and running through the sprinklers.



What's that? You don't wear diapers?
Sucker.
Diapers allow me to do whatever I want without having to stop and look for a toilet. Pure brilliance.
Try arguing with that.
Score: Toddler-1 Grown-Ups-0

Tribute to Mommy

It's been a long while. I can't get into why I've been so busy, it's top secret. But I will share with you a little song I've been working on.

This is for all the mommas out there. Enjoy your sneak preview:

She tricked me

I am officially a former sauce-o-holic. I thought I'd be on that til at least FIVE.

She caught me in a good mood (note: don't EVER be in a good mood) and when I oh-so-politely requested a sweet sip, she told me they were empty.
And I fell for it.

I know what this word 'empty' means because I use it to demonstrate when my sippy cup is...well, empty. I pull off the lid and shake out the last drops onto the pretty carpet to add to the colors. And she knows I know what 'empty' is.
And now I know she knows I know.

Empty. But not gone. I can still reach my hand down in there for a reassuring grab.

Guess who's back?

I’ve been very busy. Too busy to share my antics lately, but I’ve stopped long enough to give out some handy tidbits of wisdom.

I did it. I have successfully worn down the Grown Ups to sheer exhaustion. It wasn’t easy, and at first only started out as an experiment. It all started when I learned how to say some magical words: 

I WANT.

As in, I WANT brownie, I WANT more brownie, I WANT to watch Space Ghost.

At first, they were so delighted that I was actually speaking a full sentence that included a noun AND a verb, they answered each and every request with a smile. Of course, once I saw the power of I WANT, the world became mine, and they have been reduced to weak, tired souls.

And now, you too can have Grown Ups that have been so beaten down they become simple servants. Try saying the following sentences within 15 minutes, every day, for two weeks straight:

I WANT a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I WANT Cheerios.
I WANT Cheerios in a bag.
I WANT yogurt.
I WANT crackers.
I WANT milk.
I WANT to go outside.
I WANT to go upstairs.
I WANT to go downstairs.
I WANT THAT!

After each request has been filled, wait until they bring it to you and then demand the next one. It’s a whole lot of fun to mix these up with a few of the NO techniques. For example, try I WANT Cheerios. After they bring them to you, say I WANT Cheerios in a bag. If they try to deny your request (and they might) repeat the request three times ending in a tossing of the Cheerios on the floor. Then stomp away.

Trust me. This will work. And soon you will have some zombie Grown Ups who have suddenly upped their daily caffeine intake just to keep up with you.

smile! you're on candid camera...

bust a move

Part of being a serious Ladies Man is knowing the right dance moves. Women love a man with rhythm; a man who's confident enough to move with the music. You must FEEL the music. Let the beat enter your soul and just go with it MAN! Channel your inner John Travolta.



I always recommend props. I chose this office chair with a twisty knob on the back. Do what feels natural. That's what I did.

trouble