So my future ex-wife's daddy thinks I'm worthy of the Honest Crap Award. I love crap! It visits me every day in my diaper. This was truly meant to be.
So now I must divulge 10 random things about myself. Why, I thought you’d never ask.
You can’t wait, can you?
1. I will not wear socks. Instead I prefer to squeeze my bare feet into my Thomas the Train sneakers so that eventually a foul and mysterious odor will invade the nostrils of the Grown Ups. Just for fun.
2. I enjoy waking up at 2 a.m. and crawling into the Grown Up’s bed to show my dissatisfaction with the thread count on my bedsheets. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.
3. In the winter, I will insist on wearing a jacket or sweater before I leave the house. Immediately upon entering the car, I will insist on taking that jacket off.
4. I like to blow on food. And hot drinks. It is my duty to make sure nothing is too hot to enter your mouth.
5. I believe the major food groups are RITZ crackers, oranges and ice cream.
6. I have recently learned how to lock my bedroom door. This buys me just enough time to climb to the top of the bunk bed before the Grown Ups come in and yell at me to get down.
7. Whenever I see an airplane, I shoot it with my finger gun. Sometimes cars get the same treatment.
8. Tonight I discovered I could open the freezer. Guess what I found? ICE CREAM! And when it was taken away, I screamed like a four year-old screams for his mommy on the first day of preschool.
9. Everything is my business. I frequently like to yell “ME TOO! ME TOO!” so everyone is reminded of this.
10. I am inexplicably drawn to spray bottles and guitars.
(Yeah, I know it really says Scrap.
Crap is just so much more fun.)