Sunday, February 28, 2010

Toddler Dinner Etiquette, Part 2

We have all been informed of proper dinner etiquette, at home. Sometimes dinner, or lunch, doesn’t happen at home and you find yourself someplace new.

Dining at a restaurant is a little different than dining at home. You may find that the Grown Ups don’t really like going to these places because they are afraid of something. Let me help you put their minds at ease.

If it’s a nice day, the restaurant you visit may have outdoor seating. This is ideal. If they lead you to a table without a satisfying view, simply go sit at the table with the great view, in my case, the street and sidewalk. 

You will probably be given some crayons and a coloring sheet. Take this opportunity to create a masterpiece for your Grown Ups. Maybe what they are afraid of is the lack of artwork surrounding them. Come to the rescue and color your best scribbling ever.

If you have prime seating, you might able to see cars driving by. Maybe the Grown Ups are afraid the cars will run into them while they eat. Take your crayons and turn them into guns to shoot the cars.  Make sure you have a crayon-gun in each hand for best results. Also, be sure to make accompanying sound effects.

You might also see people walking by with their dogs. The Grown Ups could be afraid that the dogs will come and eat their food. This is when you should call on your superpowers and blast them with your combination fire/ice/forcefield power that comes out of your hands. Supplementary sound effects will calm their fears.

When the food arrives, guess what? It’s HOT. The Grown Ups are definitely afraid of burning their tongues. You know what to do. Start blowing.

You will probably see these little containers on the table full of black and white substances. These are flavor enhancers. They might be afraid that what they order does not taste so good. Go ahead and sprinkle some into their water to give it a little tang.

There will undoubtedly be other people in the restaurant with you. Grown Ups probably think these other people will steal their belongings. While you are eating, simply stare at the childless couple next to you and use your death vision to ensure that your Grown Ups are safe. The couple will most likely start to feel very uncomfortable with your gaze and ask to be moved to another table.

Following these simple tips can ensure a successful meal away from home, and calm the fears of your scaredy-cat Grown Ups.


  1. Also, don't forget that your Grown Ups are afraid of cutting themselves so make sure you throw their silverware on to the floor.

  2. And don't forget that if you don't want to eat something, throw it on the floor. The grownups will never let you eat something once it has touched the floor!

  3. haha, this is so fun!!

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